Psychology

[FILE 1977] John Perry Barlow’s Top 25 PRINCIPLES OF ADULT BEHAVIOR

We are all searching for how to live our lives. This searching might be the most primal and core drive of our human existence. The question, however, isn’t so much wrapped up in the amalgam of how to live our lives as so much as if we have a set of principles to live our lives by.

“Take responsibility for your own happiness, never put it in other people’s hands.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

PRINCIPLES OF ADULT BEHAVIOR

1. Be patient. No matter what.
2. Don’t badmouth: Assign responsibility, never blame.
Say nothing behind another’s back you’d be unwilling to say,
in exactly the same tone and language, to his face.
3. Never assume the motives of others are, to them, less noble
than yours are to you.
4. Expand your sense of the possible.
5. Don’t trouble yourself with matters you truly cannot change.
6. Expect no more of anyone than you yourself can deliver.
7. Tolerate ambiguity.
8. Laugh at yourself frequently.
9. Concern yourself with what is right rather than whom is right.
10. Never forget that, no matter how certain, you might be wrong.
11. Give up blood sports.
12. Remember that your life belongs to others as well. Do not
endanger it frivolously. And never endanger the life of another.
13. Never lie to anyone for any reason.
14. Learn the needs of those around you and respect them.
15. Avoid the pursuit of happiness. Seek to define your mission
and pursue that.
16. Reduce your use of the first personal pronoun.
17. Praise at least as often as you disparage.
18. Never let your errors pass without admission.
19. Become less suspicious of joy.
20. Understand humility.
21 Forgive.
22. Foster dignity.
23. Live memorably.
24. Love yourself.
25. Endure.

I don’t expect the perfect attainment of these principles. However,
I post them as a standard for my conduct as an adult. Should any of
my friends or colleagues catch me violating any one of them, bust me.

John Perry Barlow (October 3, 1977)

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MUSIC CURES [10 VIDEOS]

Music therapy as an addition to standard care helps people with schizophrenia to improve their global state, mental state (including negative symptoms) and social functioning if a sufficient number of music therapy sessions are provided by qualified music therapists. Further research should especially address the long-term effects of music therapy, dose-response relationships, as well as the relevance of outcomes measures in relation to music therapy. Music therapy is a therapeutic method that uses music experiences to help people with serious mental disorders to develop relationships and to address issues they may not be able to using words alone. Studies to date have examined the effects of music therapy as an add-on treatment to standard care. The results of these studies suggest that music therapy improves global state and may also improve mental state and functioning if a sufficient number of music therapy sessions are provided.– Music therapy for people with schizophrenia and schizophrenia-like disorders (Mössler K, Chen X, Heldal TO, Gold C)[1]

In conjunction with the research question of the effectiveness of music interventions on adolescents, evidence points to the music therapy technique of lyric analysis being an effective intervention for mental health professionals working with adolescents. Research establishes adolescence  40 to be a unique period in a person’s life requiring specific interventions to engage these clients in psychotherapy. In considering the significant impact music has on the life of an adolescent, lyric analysis tactfully recognizes the significance of an adolescent’s preferred music while utilizing the symbolic meaning behind the music to facilitate in-depth therapeutic discussion. -The Effectiveness of Music Interventions in Psychotherapy with Adolescent Clients (Hope Lauren Esala)[2]

The present study has found that music creates significant changes in systolic tension arterial and pulse oximeter values; significantly decreases pain, Faces Anxiety Scale, and state anxiety means scores and increases general comfort level. More research is needed on the effects of music offered by a trained music therapist. –The Effect of Music on Comfort, Anxiety and Pain in the Intensive Care Unit: A Case in Turkey (Hatice Çiftçi, MSc, RN, Gürsel Öztunç, PhD) [3]

 

 

According to a paper in the UK-based Journal of Advanced Nursing, listening to music can reduce chronic pain from a range of painful conditions, including osteoarthritis, disc problems, and rheumatoid arthritis, by up to 21%. [ref]

The NotSorry Method

This doesn’t mean you’re a jerk… But let me illustrate.

A tired bird landed on a branch. The bird rested, enjoying the view from the branch and the protection it offered from dangerous animals. Just as the bird became used to the branch and the support and safety it offered, a strong wind started blowing, and the tree swayed with such intensity that it seemed the branch would snap in half.

But the bird was not worried for, it knew two important truths. The first truth – even without the branch it was able to fly, and thus remain safe through the power of its own two wings. The second truth it also knew that there are many other branches upon which it can temporarily rest.

In Sarah Knight’s book “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving A F*ck” this same scenario for how we can live our lives emerges by using what a Sarah calls the “NotSorry Method.”

The NotSorry Method Consists of four elements:

  • The differentiation between feelings and opinions.
  • Striking an artful and crafty balance between being polite (but not nice) and honest.
  • The key to keeping the conversation more neutral is to focus and the redirection of the central theme to the opinions of each person, not their feelings.
  • To sidestep hurt feelings, degrading the personal values of others, and loss of a personal relationship you make it about the difference in opinion.

This way you aren’t a jerk. But you don’t give a f*ck about their…OPINION. Continue reading.

As I write this, my mind is flooded with thoughts of how people may perceive what I’m writing. This is, to Sarah’s point in her book, not a bad thing — it’s actually exactly what she means because it’s a deliberate giving af*ck. The art of “not giving a f*ck” is really in deciding, on your own terms what to care about. The key here is in understanding the difference between deliberate caring and automatic, habit-based seeking for approval. While writing this, I should care how you, as the reader, are impacted by its application into your life. However, I definitely don’t care (give a f*ck) about your opinion about me; my style of writing, blog entry formatting, and/or what I think about this book. As stated in the book; “I need to tell you – honestly and politely – that I don’t share your opinion that something should be different about how I’m deciding to run my life.”

There is a key lesson in this opinion-based, non-feelings, NotSorry Method approach. That is, when we base our lives back into the responsibility of ourselves, our own opinions about how we operate should be the most important – not those of other people. Somehow we have drifted away from that formal responsibility for our lives and, in addition, have been told that being steadfast in our opinions and motivations is prideful, wrong, and even sinful.

Sarah states the following:

“If you f*ck-giving activity affects someone else, be honest and polite about your decision, try to make it about a difference of opinion, and 99 percent of the time, all will be well. But if your f*ck-giving affects you and only you, then why should you care about what other people think? Let them have their opinions about you. It may take a little getting used to, but you must stop giving a f*ck about what other people think.” 

 

We all have opinions. We all have feelings, too. The strategy going forward for the practitioner is to base the not caring and not judging by the opinions of others. Rather, live steadfast in the trust in your own wings, merits, and YOUR personal opinion.

_________
Ref: Bird Story, Book Link

She Went From Military Petty Officer To Magic Intimacy Coach

As many of you already know: I love learning. My favorite thing to learn about and from are people. Their stories illuminate truths that resonate within ourselves. On a deep level, we all share the human story. We all share commonalities that connect us in ways that aren’t always made clear until we recognize them in other people.

Today, I got talk with a very interesting person. She went from adhering to the strictness of the crispest branch of the United States military (the Navy), to now coaching individuals in how to find a better intimacy level with life. Julia Minden will open your eyes to new ways and opportunities for approaching your life in a way that is full of happiness and inherent pleasure.


Thomas McGregor: What is the beginning to the story that is yours?

Julia Minden: The military seemed like a great way to pay for college. Plus at the time I wanted to be an engineer and it looked like getting a security clearance would be a smart idea for my career.

TM: Why were you motivated to go into the Navy?

JM: The military was an opportunity to learn new technical skills hands-on.

TM: Were their skill you felt you needed?

JM: Well engineering classes, especially the math ones, can be a lot of theory. I felt like they weren’t being taught in a way that women understand. So having the opportunity to go work on equipment and just do it without 18 months of theiry classes really appealed.

TM: What did you find to be the contrasting factors between the different ways education was conducted in the military versus conventional education channels?

JM: Normal college is like a party. You can study on your dorm room with a pizza in your pajamas if you want. In the military, if you didn’t finish taking the notes you needed to take, they put you on mandatory night study so you have to sit in a silent room in your uniform and finish, and they decrease your liberty card status, so you basically can’t leave base on the weekend unless you have a million liberty buddies and go out in uniform. AKA you just don’t go anywhere.

TM: So which is better, in your opinion (and why) ?

JM: Normal college, for sure. You can choose your instructor (if you register early enough). You have way more resources, in terms of tutors, instructor suggestions. You’re only limited by your motivation to learn. (Mostly, anyways. I did fail Calc II 3 times, and didn’t go back for a 4th.) And you can wear almost whatever you want. But I still don’t think they currently teach STEM classes for the female mind.

TM: What do you mean the female mind? And, what could universities do to achieve this?

JM: I feel that women learn differently. We remember content more easily if it’s shown in relation to something else we understand. Most STEM classes are taught in a linear way that introduces a simple foreign concept at the beginning, and then gradually becomes more complicated all semester. So figuring out WHY you make a certain calculation, and when, is a giant frustration. It’s not in relation to anything, or with examples that make sense. We’re not at all less capable as women. But we approach from a different angle that’s unfamiliar in the male-prevalent STEM world.

TM: Did, therefore, your transition from the military into intimacy coach  stem from this mis-understanding between how men and women communicate, both; verbal and physically?

JM: The transition was more like a breakdown. I knew near the end of my time in the military, as I was totally burnt out and minimally going through the motions, that things had been more difficult for me in the military than it was for other people. And not because I was a woman, but that nearly every activity made me so exhausted. I knew that I wasn’t any less capable than anyone else, I made it through Bootcamp at the practically ancient age of 25. I’m basically Super Woman. But I wanted to sleep for a million years. And I felt squandered. The military doesn’t want anyone’s mind. They want you to work, they want some person to fix this and do that, and be a pair of eyes at a desk asking to see ID’s, and mop floors. They didn’t want ME. So I started doing research. Why was I so tired ALL the time. Why do I feel like The Princess And The Pea about every single element of my environment? Why did I always know when someone else was stressed out? Turns out I’m what’s known as a Highly Sensitive Person. A genetic trait that cranks up the volume on my whole nervous system. All of my physical senses (sight, smell, taste, hearing, touch) have the volume turned up. And not just that, I’m also an empath. I feel other people’s emotions and their energy whether I want to or not. So I went on a quest to find what to do with those traits. I refused to see them as a weakness. I wouldn’t have them if they were a disability, they are supposed to be used for something. It took 3 months of sobbing on my couch in Alaska to start digging. Even longer to find answers. Turns out people like me are well suited to be therapists, life coaches, consultants, healers, and entrepreneurs. And after researching life coaching, I was like, “I think I’ve actually been coaching people without their permission since I was 9.” I coached a bunch of things before I started coaching sexuality. I coached other sensitives. Then I coached sales/client attraction. (That was a terrible fit.) Then dating for a little bit. But it kept coming back to sex. I had a really solid sex education as a kid from my parents & their book collection. So I had pretty healthy ideas and attitudes about sex from a young age. And as a teen, I took full ownership of my sexuality, put fake covers on sex books and read them during silent reading time in class, which resulted in a great arsenal of skills to use with my high school boyfriend. I’m rarely single. People tell me that’s uncommon. And I’m unashamedly amazing in bed.

TM: What do you look for first when talking with perspective clients?

JM: Several things. Do they know what outcome they want? Some people have issues in their sex life but they have no idea what they actually want instead. Are they motivated, and can I see what motivates them? No substitute for motivation. And are they someone *I* want to work with?

TM: How do you know what motivates them?

JM: I tend to read people pretty well. And if someone is hard to read, I ask. But usually as they’re describing what’s going on in their intimate life, they’re telling me what they miss, and that’s very illuminating.

TM: Do you find it more fulfilling to work with men, women, or couples?

JM: I tend to work mostly with individuals who are in relationships, but they want to work on their side of the street. But male or female doesn’t matter.

TM: What has been the top 3 things you’ve learned being an intimacy coach that came from the military?

JM: 1. Mindset runs deep, and it’s powerful. 2. Heal your lineage, be free to be yourself. I had a parent in, and a grandparent in, and more generations before that. Healing that part of myself, I have the freedom to be myself and really own my dharma in the world that I don’t think I would have been free to do before. 3. It’s not about what you have in life, but what you let yourself receive and enjoy. If you have an amazing meal but only 12 minutes to eat it in, is it really an amazing meal, or just something you ate to stop feeling hungry?

TM: Amazing! Thank you for speaking with me. I learn so much form you!

JM: Thanks for having me.

Learn more about Julia and her mission by clicking HERE.

Specific Subject Preference Development in Childhood / Independence of Pre- Adolescent Preference Conditioning

 

Introduction:
When you were a child did you dream of becoming a fireman, an astronaut, or doctor? Did your parents encourage you towards or away from specific jobs that you felt interested in? These questions have puzzled psychologist and behavioral scientists of decades. The idea is that we are influenced by parental, social and peer conditioning in our childhood years that prod our sensibilities toward or away from specific preferences in career choice. In this essay I will centrally explore how we are parentally conditioned and how we can entertain the idea of independence from said conditioning as we continue in growth and development past adolescence.

1. Specific Subject Preference Development in Childhood:
Few parents seem to recognize the impact they have on their children. From an early age children absorb everything around them little to know psychologic filter. The stimuli that occurs in their immediate surroundings is downloaded to their internal mental hard drive, wiring neurological transmitters together that will work in forming that child into an a person with a psychological identity. This identity is therein development over time to create what we see to be ourselves. The mental image of ourselves is a combination of the conditioning we experienced as we learned and witness events from birth to pre- teen. Psychologists have proven that our mental state is very fragile and delicate, requiring constant up-keep and fortification of identity centers. We are constantly internally referencing who we are based on who’ve we’ve continued ourselves to be. Any conditioning pre-adolescent is not of our doing more, of parental, environmental and social. For example, you will see pre-teens voice their loyalty to a specific college football team when having never attended the school in person, based on the religious- like loyalty to that collage their parents attended. This is due to the constant exposer to the college loyalty over a long period of time. Just like a runner conditions his muscles for long hours on the track, so to our psychology becomes conditioned to think a specific way about almost everything in our immediate experience. As children we rely greatly on parental advise and guidance for how to live. We presume that those that have came before use have greater insight into the workings of the world and how to navigate socially. We are born into this reliance on parental guidance based on the foundation of multiple millennia grounded i122311172037n parental based survival reliance. As early Homo Sapiens, nearly 200,000 years ago, we looked for non-vebal cues from parents to note when danger came in proximity. As we aged into strong hunters next to our fathers we developed our senses independently as the environment we grew up in changed due to climate, inhabitants, and geological alterations occurred over time. This introduces a very interesting shift in our psychology as we develop into adolescence that still occurs currently. Parents have a direct impact on specific preferences from birth to age (on average) 13.

“Parents have an early influence, but by middle school most students are starting to

develop independent tastes.” Art Markman, Professor of Psychology – University of Texas at Austin

Parents are sometimes unaware as to the gravity of impact they have on their children and still believe that they have little to do with the career choices of their children (Taylor, Harris, & Taylor, 2004). In a study from the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill (Taylor, Harris, & Taylor, 2004), almost half of freshman parents stated that they believed they should remain neutral in regard to their child’s career development. However, additional studies show that parents have a greater influence in career selection than teachers (Kniveton, 2004) and can even influence what major their children choose to pursue in college (Simpson, 2003). For example; a teen may be interested in majoring in science but instead is influenced by their parents to study law, due to past positive experience within the family. What has shifted now is the associate to what we believe will keep us alive, or not killed. As 200,000 year old Homo Sapiens, we perceived large animals as threats and watched for cues from our parents in times of stress. As 21st century up-right walking humans we now look for similar cues but in a modern context. Having money in today’s environment is considered being unstressed, taken care of, and/or “surviving”. Therefore, it is save to presume that many modern career choices are selected our fear of pain from lack of resources. It is clear that parents believe they have less influence over their children’s career decisions than the research supports. This perception seems to differ from the perception of children, who often report their parents to be of the highest influence (Ferry, 2006; Kniveton, 2004). Due to this perception gap, it is important to examine the result of parental influence in regard to their children’s career choices. While parents assume that their direct career advice may be influential, they may be unaware that they can also exert a strong career influence simply by serving as examples of workers (Kniveton, 2004). In fact, children as young as five years old begin to identify with the occupation oftheir mother or father (Havighurst, 1964). Parents start influencing career decisions as soon as their children can pronounce their job title. There is no coincidence in the fact that many children go into professions that mimic or mirror those of their parents. In fact, similar parental jobs may be perceived as more stable or “safe” the the child that witness success of the parent in that field; success mainly defined as financial stability. When interviewed, you’ll noticed that a person will ask whether a field is financially stable over a period of time when asking about career opportunities.

Parents may also be unaware of the impact their accepted standards and values have on their child’s career selection. According to Biddle, Bank, and Marlin (as cited in Simpson, 2003), “rather than responding directly to external pressures … students internalize parental norms and preferences and act, therefore, in accordance with those norms” (Transmission of Values section, ~ 1). Because parental norms and values are likely to affect career choice, it is important that parents understand the subtle ways that they communicate their norms and values on a regular basis. Furthermore, due to the value weight a child places on parental standards, the influence of the parent becomes very potent. Tracey (2001) identified a research gap in children’s career development and argued that the critical research question is about “the mechanisms by which children’s thinking about interests shifts from childhood structures to those of
adulthood” (p. 90). There is a body of research that has focuses and attempts to validate theories that describe the career development of children. Specifically, research

has examined the process of learning that various theories hypothesize underlies children’s career development. Wahl and Blackhurst (2000) have reviewed this research and concluded that the findings are mixed. Earlier theories such as that of Ginzberg, Ginsburg, Axelrad, and Herma (1951) have been challenged by research that has found children’s occupational aspirations are more stable over time than the theories proposes (Trice, Hughes, Odom, Woods, & McClellan, 1995; Wahl & Blackhurst, 2000). Therefore, we can presume that the longevity of consistent parental conditioning is a main contributor to the long-term development of childhood career interests.

2. Independence of Pre-Adolescent Preference Conditioning:
Conditioning on any psychological level is difficult to understand, regardless of attempts of removal or alterations. Art Markman, psychologist (Prof. of Psychology/UT at Austin) stated that preferences continue to evolve if we remain psychologically open them. However, the challenge in remaining open is in the ability for one to endure perceived psychological strain. Changes in environment, relationships and/or economic status showcase an instability to our environment. The instability is perceived as pain due to the possibility of collapse of living conditions. Even in areas of poverty you will find individuals that are reluctant to give up a dirty and torn blanket. This is because that individual perceives that item as a key part to their survival. The psychological shift that is required to occur if an individual intends to become independent of parental conditioning is two pronged: 1. The cultivation of endurance in psychological strain via life changes within multiple intensity levels. 2. Sustaining the consistent allowance of new ideas to remain valid in the shifting perception of our environment. Researchers call this psychological training. Just as in the example previous, the runner is conditioning himself to run longer. Psychological training is the conditioning of growth. In other words, we are conditioning ourselves to keep from becoming conditioned. Therefore, unless we intend on settling on a set of values and standards, we will need to train our mind continuously. Research has found that individuals that are continuously striving to grow, typically shift their reference point of conditioning from their parents to other individuals that exhibit values and standards they with to immolate. This suggests that as we continue to grow and change, we also continuously alter our reference point of value and standard validation. This is why many adolescents will take hold of role models such as sports stars, celebrities and historical figures. When the pre-teen finds common association with the public figure the bond is set and the immolation process will begin. Most children will still reference back to different and accepted components of their parental condition but, by age 13 most adolescents have started to develop their on sensibilities to the external world, allowing them to conglomerate many influences to who they will become as adults. As a pre-teen the act of exploring the ways of thinking seems natural and effortless. Experimentation, research and inquiry are all natural occurrence during these times of post-child psychological development. However, research has found that if not continued, by age 23 (on average amongst those studied) preferences are locked into comfort mechanisms that serve as points or reference when celebrating substantial career options. In contrast, when continuous development of mental faculties persist into adulthood individuals are more prone to career advancement and position alterations. This is done when the individual accepts new ideals and values as part of their psychological make-up. For example: A 30 year old graphic designer accepts that modern design is becoming more minimalistic, in

opposition to the past design structures of the 20th century; primarily influence by European architects. In this scenario, the graphic designer allows himself to be open to a shift in cultural identity in order to remain relevant and educated. The 21st century, with the Dotcom boom, allowed information to be shared instantly between individuals that differ in opinions and value structure. This has allowed and, in some cases, required more individuals to abandon select ideals of their parents in the attempt to stay current with fast-changing trends and world events. Therefore, the common structure is to find parental anchors that allow for acceptance of differing ideals then, allowing for a continuum of changing ideals that match the changes that are occurring around the world. As the spread of information and ideals become more easily accessible to more people, we hope to find individuals that are more accepting of the opinions of others. Individualism will win in the end, as only select parts of parental conditioning is kept by the psychology of the modern individual. If we take the initiative and momentary mental strain to expose ourselves to new ideas, we will realize we have many new things to learn from the world. Conclusively, our parents will also play a role in how we view the world and the choices we make. This gives us ground to stand on and a formulation around which to allow ideas to prosper. However, if we keep an open and progressive psychology over our lifetime, the world will open up to us a continuous feed of current ideals that best aid us towards the career we are best suited -and suitable- for.