Philosophy

10 Questions to Pounder to Live a Life of Clarity

Welcome to my bathroom. I’m in the shower. This is where I think well.

There is a thought-inducing power that the warm feeling and soothing sound of constant water showers have on the mind of a person.

As I think through life’s most important and challenging questions, I humbly realize that just because I’m asking the questions doesn’t mean I know all the answers.

Therefore, in that spirit, I will now list some questions for you that I hope offer you more clarity as you travel through life.

If you have ideas or answers to any of these questions, leave them in the comments below. Anything is welcome.-

1. What makes playgrounds so incredibly appealing to children?

2. What keeps a person in a particular routine?

3. Why do we find it challenging to keep our living space organized?

4. Why do some people continue destructive behavior, even after seeing the destructive nature of their actions?

5. Why do some consider education or learning as work or a chore?

6. Why is work considered bad?

7. What is the difference between focusing on a solution versus the problem?

8. Do “cliques” still exist during adulthood?

9. What are we making excuses FOR?

10. Why do we take more than we give?

If you have ideas or answers to any of these questions, leave them in the comments below. Anything is welcome.

Happy poundering.

 

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[FILE 1977] John Perry Barlow’s Top 25 PRINCIPLES OF ADULT BEHAVIOR

We are all searching for how to live our lives. This searching might be the most primal and core drive of our human existence. The question, however, isn’t so much wrapped up in the amalgam of how to live our lives as so much as if we have a set of principles to live our lives by.

“Take responsibility for your own happiness, never put it in other people’s hands.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

PRINCIPLES OF ADULT BEHAVIOR

1. Be patient. No matter what.
2. Don’t badmouth: Assign responsibility, never blame.
Say nothing behind another’s back you’d be unwilling to say,
in exactly the same tone and language, to his face.
3. Never assume the motives of others are, to them, less noble
than yours are to you.
4. Expand your sense of the possible.
5. Don’t trouble yourself with matters you truly cannot change.
6. Expect no more of anyone than you yourself can deliver.
7. Tolerate ambiguity.
8. Laugh at yourself frequently.
9. Concern yourself with what is right rather than whom is right.
10. Never forget that, no matter how certain, you might be wrong.
11. Give up blood sports.
12. Remember that your life belongs to others as well. Do not
endanger it frivolously. And never endanger the life of another.
13. Never lie to anyone for any reason.
14. Learn the needs of those around you and respect them.
15. Avoid the pursuit of happiness. Seek to define your mission
and pursue that.
16. Reduce your use of the first personal pronoun.
17. Praise at least as often as you disparage.
18. Never let your errors pass without admission.
19. Become less suspicious of joy.
20. Understand humility.
21 Forgive.
22. Foster dignity.
23. Live memorably.
24. Love yourself.
25. Endure.

I don’t expect the perfect attainment of these principles. However,
I post them as a standard for my conduct as an adult. Should any of
my friends or colleagues catch me violating any one of them, bust me.

John Perry Barlow (October 3, 1977)

The NotSorry Method

This doesn’t mean you’re a jerk… But let me illustrate.

A tired bird landed on a branch. The bird rested, enjoying the view from the branch and the protection it offered from dangerous animals. Just as the bird became used to the branch and the support and safety it offered, a strong wind started blowing, and the tree swayed with such intensity that it seemed the branch would snap in half.

But the bird was not worried for, it knew two important truths. The first truth – even without the branch it was able to fly, and thus remain safe through the power of its own two wings. The second truth it also knew that there are many other branches upon which it can temporarily rest.

In Sarah Knight’s book “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving A F*ck” this same scenario for how we can live our lives emerges by using what a Sarah calls the “NotSorry Method.”

The NotSorry Method Consists of four elements:

  • The differentiation between feelings and opinions.
  • Striking an artful and crafty balance between being polite (but not nice) and honest.
  • The key to keeping the conversation more neutral is to focus and the redirection of the central theme to the opinions of each person, not their feelings.
  • To sidestep hurt feelings, degrading the personal values of others, and loss of a personal relationship you make it about the difference in opinion.

This way you aren’t a jerk. But you don’t give a f*ck about their…OPINION. Continue reading.

As I write this, my mind is flooded with thoughts of how people may perceive what I’m writing. This is, to Sarah’s point in her book, not a bad thing — it’s actually exactly what she means because it’s a deliberate giving af*ck. The art of “not giving a f*ck” is really in deciding, on your own terms what to care about. The key here is in understanding the difference between deliberate caring and automatic, habit-based seeking for approval. While writing this, I should care how you, as the reader, are impacted by its application into your life. However, I definitely don’t care (give a f*ck) about your opinion about me; my style of writing, blog entry formatting, and/or what I think about this book. As stated in the book; “I need to tell you – honestly and politely – that I don’t share your opinion that something should be different about how I’m deciding to run my life.”

There is a key lesson in this opinion-based, non-feelings, NotSorry Method approach. That is, when we base our lives back into the responsibility of ourselves, our own opinions about how we operate should be the most important – not those of other people. Somehow we have drifted away from that formal responsibility for our lives and, in addition, have been told that being steadfast in our opinions and motivations is prideful, wrong, and even sinful.

Sarah states the following:

“If you f*ck-giving activity affects someone else, be honest and polite about your decision, try to make it about a difference of opinion, and 99 percent of the time, all will be well. But if your f*ck-giving affects you and only you, then why should you care about what other people think? Let them have their opinions about you. It may take a little getting used to, but you must stop giving a f*ck about what other people think.” 

 

We all have opinions. We all have feelings, too. The strategy going forward for the practitioner is to base the not caring and not judging by the opinions of others. Rather, live steadfast in the trust in your own wings, merits, and YOUR personal opinion.

_________
Ref: Bird Story, Book Link

She Went From Military Petty Officer To Magic Intimacy Coach

As many of you already know: I love learning. My favorite thing to learn about and from are people. Their stories illuminate truths that resonate within ourselves. On a deep level, we all share the human story. We all share commonalities that connect us in ways that aren’t always made clear until we recognize them in other people.

Today, I got talk with a very interesting person. She went from adhering to the strictness of the crispest branch of the United States military (the Navy), to now coaching individuals in how to find a better intimacy level with life. Julia Minden will open your eyes to new ways and opportunities for approaching your life in a way that is full of happiness and inherent pleasure.


Thomas McGregor: What is the beginning to the story that is yours?

Julia Minden: The military seemed like a great way to pay for college. Plus at the time I wanted to be an engineer and it looked like getting a security clearance would be a smart idea for my career.

TM: Why were you motivated to go into the Navy?

JM: The military was an opportunity to learn new technical skills hands-on.

TM: Were their skill you felt you needed?

JM: Well engineering classes, especially the math ones, can be a lot of theory. I felt like they weren’t being taught in a way that women understand. So having the opportunity to go work on equipment and just do it without 18 months of theiry classes really appealed.

TM: What did you find to be the contrasting factors between the different ways education was conducted in the military versus conventional education channels?

JM: Normal college is like a party. You can study on your dorm room with a pizza in your pajamas if you want. In the military, if you didn’t finish taking the notes you needed to take, they put you on mandatory night study so you have to sit in a silent room in your uniform and finish, and they decrease your liberty card status, so you basically can’t leave base on the weekend unless you have a million liberty buddies and go out in uniform. AKA you just don’t go anywhere.

TM: So which is better, in your opinion (and why) ?

JM: Normal college, for sure. You can choose your instructor (if you register early enough). You have way more resources, in terms of tutors, instructor suggestions. You’re only limited by your motivation to learn. (Mostly, anyways. I did fail Calc II 3 times, and didn’t go back for a 4th.) And you can wear almost whatever you want. But I still don’t think they currently teach STEM classes for the female mind.

TM: What do you mean the female mind? And, what could universities do to achieve this?

JM: I feel that women learn differently. We remember content more easily if it’s shown in relation to something else we understand. Most STEM classes are taught in a linear way that introduces a simple foreign concept at the beginning, and then gradually becomes more complicated all semester. So figuring out WHY you make a certain calculation, and when, is a giant frustration. It’s not in relation to anything, or with examples that make sense. We’re not at all less capable as women. But we approach from a different angle that’s unfamiliar in the male-prevalent STEM world.

TM: Did, therefore, your transition from the military into intimacy coach  stem from this mis-understanding between how men and women communicate, both; verbal and physically?

JM: The transition was more like a breakdown. I knew near the end of my time in the military, as I was totally burnt out and minimally going through the motions, that things had been more difficult for me in the military than it was for other people. And not because I was a woman, but that nearly every activity made me so exhausted. I knew that I wasn’t any less capable than anyone else, I made it through Bootcamp at the practically ancient age of 25. I’m basically Super Woman. But I wanted to sleep for a million years. And I felt squandered. The military doesn’t want anyone’s mind. They want you to work, they want some person to fix this and do that, and be a pair of eyes at a desk asking to see ID’s, and mop floors. They didn’t want ME. So I started doing research. Why was I so tired ALL the time. Why do I feel like The Princess And The Pea about every single element of my environment? Why did I always know when someone else was stressed out? Turns out I’m what’s known as a Highly Sensitive Person. A genetic trait that cranks up the volume on my whole nervous system. All of my physical senses (sight, smell, taste, hearing, touch) have the volume turned up. And not just that, I’m also an empath. I feel other people’s emotions and their energy whether I want to or not. So I went on a quest to find what to do with those traits. I refused to see them as a weakness. I wouldn’t have them if they were a disability, they are supposed to be used for something. It took 3 months of sobbing on my couch in Alaska to start digging. Even longer to find answers. Turns out people like me are well suited to be therapists, life coaches, consultants, healers, and entrepreneurs. And after researching life coaching, I was like, “I think I’ve actually been coaching people without their permission since I was 9.” I coached a bunch of things before I started coaching sexuality. I coached other sensitives. Then I coached sales/client attraction. (That was a terrible fit.) Then dating for a little bit. But it kept coming back to sex. I had a really solid sex education as a kid from my parents & their book collection. So I had pretty healthy ideas and attitudes about sex from a young age. And as a teen, I took full ownership of my sexuality, put fake covers on sex books and read them during silent reading time in class, which resulted in a great arsenal of skills to use with my high school boyfriend. I’m rarely single. People tell me that’s uncommon. And I’m unashamedly amazing in bed.

TM: What do you look for first when talking with perspective clients?

JM: Several things. Do they know what outcome they want? Some people have issues in their sex life but they have no idea what they actually want instead. Are they motivated, and can I see what motivates them? No substitute for motivation. And are they someone *I* want to work with?

TM: How do you know what motivates them?

JM: I tend to read people pretty well. And if someone is hard to read, I ask. But usually as they’re describing what’s going on in their intimate life, they’re telling me what they miss, and that’s very illuminating.

TM: Do you find it more fulfilling to work with men, women, or couples?

JM: I tend to work mostly with individuals who are in relationships, but they want to work on their side of the street. But male or female doesn’t matter.

TM: What has been the top 3 things you’ve learned being an intimacy coach that came from the military?

JM: 1. Mindset runs deep, and it’s powerful. 2. Heal your lineage, be free to be yourself. I had a parent in, and a grandparent in, and more generations before that. Healing that part of myself, I have the freedom to be myself and really own my dharma in the world that I don’t think I would have been free to do before. 3. It’s not about what you have in life, but what you let yourself receive and enjoy. If you have an amazing meal but only 12 minutes to eat it in, is it really an amazing meal, or just something you ate to stop feeling hungry?

TM: Amazing! Thank you for speaking with me. I learn so much form you!

JM: Thanks for having me.

Learn more about Julia and her mission by clicking HERE.

A new way to look at practicing music

We all hear it from our music teachers, “Practice! Practice! Practice!” But, what does it mean for us in the long term? I think what many music educators miss is the explanation and example of what long-term practicing can do for the student. For the student the drudgery and monotony of constant practice can create a grim outlook on their daily musical activities. Music students need the following two components for practice success:

1. Fun: Practicing needs to be more like play. After all, we do call it “playing music.” Practice should be outlined and described to the student as a time for them to explore and compete with themselves. They need to perceive practice as a time to be curious and to take risk. To try new ways of doing things and to engage self-teaching mechanisms.

2. Practicability: Students of all ages need to fully understand how practicing will impact their future musician-selves. This can be achieved by showing them examples of world-class musicians, explaining to them all the daily hours that went into becoming that great; with an emphasis on the musician competing with them self for that mastery. Students need to see how what they do now will impact their future as a musician. By seeing this in actuality via professional musicians, students will be inspired to work harder and longer than ever.

Once these two elements are seen by the student the teacher can prescribe practice goals that make sense for the individual level of the student. There will be a drastic shift in both, attitude and focus when the student understands more clearly why practice is such a good idea.

According to Edward Droscher, founder of Real Music Production, there are two major keys to effective practice.

1. Goals are key. It is human nature to take pride in reaching a goal whether a promotion at work or winning a competition. If you have a set goal to reach you will be more willing to put in the work required to achieve it. Some examples of goals could be to learn the latest song you’ve fallen in love with, to be able to sight read in a certain key, to develop faster, more technical playing or to reach a certain exam grade before a certain period.

2. Little often is better than a lot occasionally. One key point to remember is that repetition is the quickest way to learn something due to your brain and muscles ability to develop and store a so called ‘muscle memory’. It will take a substantially longer time to learn and retain your new knowledge if you practice for a long period but only occasionally. See tip 3 on how to easily incorporate regular practice sessions into your daily routine.

When you are having a bad day and nothing is going right . . .When the pressures of life are crowding in on you and you need some time by yourself . . When someone, or something has made you angry . . When you are bored, or when you are feeling flat or unhappy, don’t complain, just go and do some music practice. That will lift your spirits and energise you. — Ron OttleyOttley, Ron., Now I Love Music Practice (Eileen Margaret Publishing, 2009) Pg 62-63

Practicing should be taken out of the “nose to the grindstone” light, into the “play and exploration” sunshine. Students need to see an overview of how what they are doing now will make an affect on their future selves. This is enabled when the responsibility of this eye-opening is taken on by the teacher. After all, the teacher is the guide for the student to reach full potential. Therefore, the teacher’s J.O.B. is to bring the students narrowed vision of practicing into full vision of how fun and explorative it can be. Once this is achieve, the sky is the limit for both, you and the student.