As many of you already know: I love learning. My favorite thing to learn about and from are people. Their stories illuminate truths that resonate within ourselves. On a deep level, we all share the human story. We all share commonalities that connect us in ways that aren’t always made clear until we recognize them in other people.
Today, I got talk with a very interesting person. She went from adhering to the strictness of the crispest branch of the United States military (the Navy), to now coaching individuals in how to find a better intimacy level with life. Julia Minden will open your eyes to new ways and opportunities for approaching your life in a way that is full of happiness and inherent pleasure.
Thomas McGregor: What is the beginning to the story that is yours?
Julia Minden: The military seemed like a great way to pay for college. Plus at the time I wanted to be an engineer and it looked like getting a security clearance would be a smart idea for my career.
TM: Why were you motivated to go into the Navy?
JM: The military was an opportunity to learn new technical skills hands-on.
TM: Were their skill you felt you needed?
JM: Well engineering classes, especially the math ones, can be a lot of theory. I felt like they weren’t being taught in a way that women understand. So having the opportunity to go work on equipment and just do it without 18 months of theiry classes really appealed.
TM: What did you find to be the contrasting factors between the different ways education was conducted in the military versus conventional education channels?
JM: Normal college is like a party. You can study on your dorm room with a pizza in your pajamas if you want. In the military, if you didn’t finish taking the notes you needed to take, they put you on mandatory night study so you have to sit in a silent room in your uniform and finish, and they decrease your liberty card status, so you basically can’t leave base on the weekend unless you have a million liberty buddies and go out in uniform. AKA you just don’t go anywhere.
TM: So which is better, in your opinion (and why) ?
JM: Normal college, for sure. You can choose your instructor (if you register early enough). You have way more resources, in terms of tutors, instructor suggestions. You’re only limited by your motivation to learn. (Mostly, anyways. I did fail Calc II 3 times, and didn’t go back for a 4th.) And you can wear almost whatever you want. But I still don’t think they currently teach STEM classes for the female mind.
TM: What do you mean the female mind? And, what could universities do to achieve this?
JM: I feel that women learn differently. We remember content more easily if it’s shown in relation to something else we understand. Most STEM classes are taught in a linear way that introduces a simple foreign concept at the beginning, and then gradually becomes more complicated all semester. So figuring out WHY you make a certain calculation, and when, is a giant frustration. It’s not in relation to anything, or with examples that make sense. We’re not at all less capable as women. But we approach from a different angle that’s unfamiliar in the male-prevalent STEM world.
TM: Did, therefore, your transition from the military into intimacy coach stem from this mis-understanding between how men and women communicate, both; verbal and physically?
JM: The transition was more like a breakdown. I knew near the end of my time in the military, as I was totally burnt out and minimally going through the motions, that things had been more difficult for me in the military than it was for other people. And not because I was a woman, but that nearly every activity made me so exhausted. I knew that I wasn’t any less capable than anyone else, I made it through Bootcamp at the practically ancient age of 25. I’m basically Super Woman. But I wanted to sleep for a million years. And I felt squandered. The military doesn’t want anyone’s mind. They want you to work, they want some person to fix this and do that, and be a pair of eyes at a desk asking to see ID’s, and mop floors. They didn’t want ME. So I started doing research. Why was I so tired ALL the time. Why do I feel like The Princess And The Pea about every single element of my environment? Why did I always know when someone else was stressed out? Turns out I’m what’s known as a Highly Sensitive Person. A genetic trait that cranks up the volume on my whole nervous system. All of my physical senses (sight, smell, taste, hearing, touch) have the volume turned up. And not just that, I’m also an empath. I feel other people’s emotions and their energy whether I want to or not. So I went on a quest to find what to do with those traits. I refused to see them as a weakness. I wouldn’t have them if they were a disability, they are supposed to be used for something. It took 3 months of sobbing on my couch in Alaska to start digging. Even longer to find answers. Turns out people like me are well suited to be therapists, life coaches, consultants, healers, and entrepreneurs. And after researching life coaching, I was like, “I think I’ve actually been coaching people without their permission since I was 9.” I coached a bunch of things before I started coaching sexuality. I coached other sensitives. Then I coached sales/client attraction. (That was a terrible fit.) Then dating for a little bit. But it kept coming back to sex. I had a really solid sex education as a kid from my parents & their book collection. So I had pretty healthy ideas and attitudes about sex from a young age. And as a teen, I took full ownership of my sexuality, put fake covers on sex books and read them during silent reading time in class, which resulted in a great arsenal of skills to use with my high school boyfriend. I’m rarely single. People tell me that’s uncommon. And I’m unashamedly amazing in bed.
TM: What do you look for first when talking with perspective clients?
JM: Several things. Do they know what outcome they want? Some people have issues in their sex life but they have no idea what they actually want instead. Are they motivated, and can I see what motivates them? No substitute for motivation. And are they someone *I* want to work with?
TM: How do you know what motivates them?
JM: I tend to read people pretty well. And if someone is hard to read, I ask. But usually as they’re describing what’s going on in their intimate life, they’re telling me what they miss, and that’s very illuminating.
TM: Do you find it more fulfilling to work with men, women, or couples?
JM: I tend to work mostly with individuals who are in relationships, but they want to work on their side of the street. But male or female doesn’t matter.
TM: What has been the top 3 things you’ve learned being an intimacy coach that came from the military?
JM: 1. Mindset runs deep, and it’s powerful. 2. Heal your lineage, be free to be yourself. I had a parent in, and a grandparent in, and more generations before that. Healing that part of myself, I have the freedom to be myself and really own my dharma in the world that I don’t think I would have been free to do before. 3. It’s not about what you have in life, but what you let yourself receive and enjoy. If you have an amazing meal but only 12 minutes to eat it in, is it really an amazing meal, or just something you ate to stop feeling hungry?
TM: Amazing! Thank you for speaking with me. I learn so much form you!
JM: Thanks for having me.
Learn more about Julia and her mission by clicking HERE.